Emo Corner: Bastion and Sartorius's FanIssues!
by WilderKaiserin
Summary: Bastion and Sartorius come barging into my corner, scarred and shrieking in mental pain! This Emo Corner edition dedicated to Princess Lena aka Lady Kittuna.


This was another request, this time from Princess Lena aka Lady Kittuna. I have…absolutely _no_ idea how to do this, so I am _deeply_ sorry if it turns out awful…

This edition of the Emo Corner series is dedicated to Princess Lena aka Lady Kittuna, to whom I am deeply sorry this took so long.

**Warning:** Lots of references to kinky yaoi romance (mainly for crack uses, though it is a legit pairing). Hate yaoi? Please don't flame; I did warn you.

**Disclaimer:** Alu does not own—OMG A KITTY!

**Emo Corner: Bastion and Sartorius's Fan-made Issues!**

"Aw, man, not another double feature," I groaned. "I _just_ got rid of Jaden and Syrus; seems a few people took the muffin incident **(1)** the wrong way…"

Bastion and Sartorius were curled up in halfway fetal positions in my "corner", which was really more of a den now. Thus, they were on opposite sides of said "corner", as far away from each other as possible.

I collapsed into my wonderful spinny chair o' DOOM, spun myself until dizzy, and finally stood up, ready to face the psycho-spazzic freakouts.

"Spinny chairs—my anti-drug," I said dazedly. "So…what seems to be the problem, guys?"

"Kinky…fanart…" Bastion forced out, trembling. Sartorius flinched. "Scary fanfics…"

"Ohh…I'm going to be here for a month, aren't I?" I muttered to myself.

"Sounds about right, yeah," Bastion agreed.

I groaned again.

"EMMA! WHERE THE FREAKIN' CHAINSAW?" Zane yelled.

"In the fichus!" I yelled back. "You have a serious tree problem **(2)**, y'know that?"

"WHAT ABOUT US?!?" screamed Bastion and Sartorius in unison.

"Wow, you guys are really in sync," I remarked. "You _sure _you're not a love slave, Bastion?"

Bastion screamed girlishly and fell to the ground, shrieking in inner pain.

"Oops…" I said. "Oh boy do I suck... Worst. Shrink. Ever."

"You can say _that_ again!" yelled almost the entire cast of GX, or at least everyone I've made an Emo Corner for so far, which is like…most of the cast, yeah.

"Well, so_rry_," I muttered. "For viewer enjoyment, y'know."

"YOU'VE SCARRED US ALL FOR LIFE!"

"YOU WERE ALREADY SCARRED FOR LIFE!" I screamed back. "Jaden, you're possessed; Syrus, you're terrified of abandonment; Aster, well, I hate you, and your family is destroyed and you _died_; Johan, _you've _been turned into a hick by 4kids; Chazz, you're used as a tool to make others look good, and of course, you died too; Atticus, you're a comic-relief character attempting to court your best friend; Bastion, you're constantly ignored and possibly a love slave; Sartorius, you happen to have been recently possessed by a freaky light thingy; and _YOU_, Zane, are completely insane, power-crazed, practically suicidal emo-boy who _also_ happens to have come back from the _dead_! You're all freaks, all of you!!!"

I then shook my head, blinking.

"What just happened?" I asked.

"You called us all freaks…" Bastion said tearfully.

"Oops…evil side…dammit. What's your problem again?"

"Everyone thinks I'm his _love slave_!" Bastion screamed, pointing at Sartorius.

"Everyone thinks _I'm_ a dominating asshole!" yelled Sartorius.

"DO I HAVE TO GET THE TALKING-FROG **(3)**!?" I demanded.

They cowered in fear, but it might have been due to the fact that there was a giant man-eating hair-scrunchie behind me.

"So," I said. "Are we ready to talk about our problems in a civilized manner?"

"NEVER!"

"My bunny starred in Monty Python's Holy Grail," I said. "I can call him at will. That massacre? It wasn't in the script."

"Eep," said the two.

"Well, Bastion, you first," I said.

"I'm always the uke," he said instantly. "The dominated, controlled one, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable…plus…I have a crush on Alexis!"

"In the _manga_," I said. "Not here, in the anime section. And that puts you on the list of fanboys ten miles long for that stupid, air-headed D-I-D. Damsel-in-distress," I elaborated. "As she always is. It's always like 'OMG Alexis got kidnapped we have to go save her!' and it drives me nuts. She's _supposed_ to be a decent duelist."

"Um…freaking out here!" said Bastion hysterically.

"Oh, sorry. You were saying?"

"I don't wanna be a love slave!"

"Wait, so you _are_?!?" I cried, shocked.

"I can't be the woman anymore; I just _can't_!"

"Okay, who stuck a 'Kinky-Romance-Fanfic-Bastion: C. 2006' in the fic?" I asked, knowing this could not possibly be the real Bastion.

"That would probably be she-to-whom-you-dedicated-this-fic," said Zane.

"Oh yeah…probably," I realized. "And we're probably going to spend the rest of the fic trying to find out where she put the real one…"

"Did you check the closet?" asked Sartorius.

"Um…no. Why?"

"Because he might be in there. I heard an authoress saying he needed to come out of it."

"Ohhh…that's a little awkward. I don't think the authoress meant that literally, Sartorius."

"Uh…Emma? He's in your closet," said Syrus.

"Oh. Well, that's me feeling stupid. So, Bastion, Sartorius, are we done here?"

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!"

I covered my ears in pain.

"Okay, _okay_! What do you still need to talk about!?"

"What color to paint my new apartment!" said Sartorius, as Bastion said, "The subtle intricacies of modern science!"

I facepalmed.

"Kay, that's it. Out," I said, holding open the door. "Talk to each other about that stuff; I haven't slept in three days and if I don't soon, I will feed you to my bunny."

After a brief look at one another, finding they did not shriek in inner horror at the sight of each other, they left, chattering incessantly about different shades of white and the string theory. No, Alu does not have _any_ idea what the string theory is, for she is in ninth grade. Does it have something to do with—?

Zane promptly whacked the authoress in the head with a frying pan, thus ending the ficcy.

**END**

Omg, that was awful, wasn't it? I'm _so_ sorry; I _really_ can't work with these guys…

Anyway, those two little note thingies:

**(1)** Muffin incident; reference to my random Anikishipping fic, Crudmuffin

**(2)** Tree problem; reference to my other crackfic, GX Camping Trip.

**(3)** Talking-frog; reference to Emo Corner: Oh God, Not _You_


End file.
